Bureaucracy, Heaven, & Hell The question was raised: Does God require his Heavenly employees to fill out paperwork in triplicate? No. This is Heaven, please remember. Obviously, here is no paperwork in Heaven - God knows all, sees all, and remembers all. The angels are happy. St. Peter keeps a book, but that was his own idea and unnecessary. He just thought it would make his job look more important. The devil, however, invented forms in sextuplicate, the last three of which are always completely unreadable and smudged by the carbon. Badly behaved demons (too soft on sinners) are punished by being sent upstairs to the cold room with the locked files. There they sort and file the first three copies of the incoming forms. They are filed by religion, political affiliation, and reverse Social Security number. Once filed they are never again available for reference. After a century or two of this, these demons are inspired to great zeal in their work with sinners. Of the last three illegible copies, two are filed in the front reception office. The admitting demons fill in your forms when you aren't looking. They fill in the two copies differently. The space for "Extenuating Circumstances" is 1/8" high and 7/32" long, and you are required to fill that in yourself. The last copy, also unreadable, is filed in the Appeals Office. Demons who have been especially effective in the Sinner-Punishment Department are rewarded by being put to work in the Appeals Office. If they do really well there, finding new, uncreative, and incomprehensible ways to deny appeals, they are promoted downstairs to the Sinner-Temptation Department, where they tempt mortals to introduce more forms and bureaucracy into their offices, homes, and lives. The Bureaucracy Section is the most powerful section of the Sinner-Temptation Department, and creates more frustration and sin on earth than any of the other sections, such as Lust, Greed, and Anger. So I'm definitely not going to Hell. If this information, though received from a reliable source, is incorrect and there is bureaucratic paperwork in Heaven, I shall just get a return ticket for earth, preferably to a primitive country with no paper or large leaves. This theological speculation originally appeared on my other pages (go through the red door on my front page) in January 1998 at a time when I was having extensive correspondence with the USA Social Security offices. Copyright © 1998 by Jessica Macbeth. All rights reserved. Your comments will be read with interest. This will take you back to WhiteRaven's nest. This takes you back to Fables, Myths & Lies